I shouldn’t have ever meet him.

I’m mental… Totally and completly insane!

Seeing him for just a brief moment has made me crazy: again, I’m trying to find any possible way of contacting him, without actual contact; otherwise, I’m breaking my vow.

I shouldn’t have ever meet him. Unfortunatly, I’m not sure, who HE is: the old one, I can’t left behind, or the new one I’m committed to.

I don’t want this conversation to end, because I know that after all, I’ll think of HIM, and about you, of course, but not today, not after all, what happend today…
I don’t want to feel guilt and sadness. I don’t want HIM to leave my life, but you asked me to cut HIM out. 
I didn’t think of HIM at all, but now I’m thinking… and crying.. and cutting my skin, because I don’t want to be without HIM by my side. Silent, but close.
I love you, I do.
I loved HIM, now I am with you. 
But I want HIM to be in my life. It’s not possible now, of course. Not after what you’ve done.
I love you, I love you! I really do love you!
But I want HIM in my life. Because I know HIM too good, too long, to just let it go…